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You can never go back.

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Feb. 27th, 2006 | 02:09 pm
mood: exhaustedexhausted

Well, here I am. I haven't been on here forever. I've been working at Outback four days a week, interning two days a week and I've been using that one leftover day to try to keep my life in working order and see one of my friends who has a little baby. I actually can't even believe that it's all over now.

Sometimes I guess you think about something so much that when it finally happens, it's just too much. In my case, too much change. In retrospect, I can't believe I would even think about looking forward to so much change all at once.

Leaving Outback (a serving job that I will actually miss), moving to Forest Park, and waiting to hear a yay or nay on whether I've officially moved into corporate tool-dom is just so much to handle all at once.

It's weird to think that, five months ago, I couldn't wait to get into this phase of my life and now it's pretty much over. I couldn't wait to start my internship. It was all I could think about. In fact, I thought Starlight was my "dream internship". I was staying at my Mom's and packing hobo packs to stay anywhere else. Even Dan's. I was trying to memorize Outback abbreviations and I just couldn't wait until February when Dream Date would come and my internship would be over and I could move into the real world.

It's just funny how things turn out differently than you'd think they would.

When I graduated, I thought I would get an internship, land a job, and join the real world. Piece of cake. In reality, I graduated, struggled with a bout of depression for 6 months, joined a marketing firm, got fired a month later, was unemployed for a few months, and then picked up an internship and my job at Outback. Thus leading me to where I am now.

As I write this, I'm supposed to be packing. It's weird how your apartment feels when you're moving. You know it's your home, but just the bones of it are left. I'm having a really hard time motivating myself to pack things for some reason. Normally I can just get moving. I'm the type of person that does more the more I have to do, if that makes any sense.

I just feel this really profound sense of loss, presumably from leaving Outback. My mind knows that this is a good time to leave - driving from Forest Park is just not do-able and everyone I like working with there is about to leave - but I just really liked it there. I felt loved and appreciated. I felt like I was a part of something. Plus, I'm just now feeling this really enormous sense of exhaustion. Like there's been months of exhaustion in my body that I just haven't been able to feel and I'm only feeling it now. I honestly feel like I just took a muscle relaxer. I just want to eat something and watch TV and sit under the covers.

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Comments {2}

Nebelhexa

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from: sistermaryfuck
date: Jul. 22nd, 2006 03:07 pm (UTC)
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Are you dead, Trin? Haha.

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Nebelhexa

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from: sistermaryfuck
date: Apr. 2nd, 2007 05:50 pm (UTC)
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Remember good ol' Absinthe? I tried to resurrect. If you know anyone that used to be in the group, pass this link along, and join up if you have the time. It would be awesome to have that back after all these years: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/morbid_curiosities/

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