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Just a thought.

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Sep. 24th, 2005 | 11:43 am
mood: happyhappy
music: DJ Shadow - Right Thing (Tokyo Ghetto Remix)

So my birthday was last Monday. Since the Sunday before that, my mother has been (doing a horrible job of) trying to coordinate a time for me, her and my brother to celebrate it with her side of the family. I find that, despite the fact that I don't really mind her side of the family, my resentment and dislike/hatred for her is leaking over onto them. I find that I am blocking out going to celebrate with them because the thought of doing anything celebratory with my mother is very distasteful to me. I feel coldly hostile towards her - like the result of her irrational hostility over the years is that now I have no faith, trust, or warm feelings for her past what I would have for Person X.

I do feel bad about blowing off Grannie and Foo, though. They just think I'm being a dick. But really, I don't think I'll ever be someone who feels like family is of utmost importance. I feel tied to my dad and, to a lesser degree, my brother, but my priorities are my friends and boyfriend and getting my life in order so that I can get an apartment and real job. Family comes somewhere after that. I guess I will never be the type to get psyched over family and kids. Maybe I will end up like the girls on Sex and the City. 40 and single with a career?

Other than that, my new job at Outback is going really well. My trainer, Eric, is really awesome and he says that I am the best trainee that he's ever had. He is their Employee of the Year, so that makes me feel pretty good. I seem to be getting along really really well with everyone and the tables so far have loved me. The sidework is really easy, too. I'm glad that I stuck through the rediculous amount of tests. :)

I kind of miss the fact that me and Dan will kind of have to just see each other when we can see each other, though. It will be more difficult for us for the next six months. We've had it so easy while I haven't been working that I think it's really going to be a bummer to our currently blissful state for me to now have to go back to the kind of schedule that restaurant work affords. It's just so opposite his schedule. Maybe the best time for us to see each other will end up being Tuesday and/or Wednesday night(s) and then whatever day I don't work from Outback? And then I can hang with my friends during the days? But then when would I see Steph? I dunno. I guess this will all work itself out as I get into the swing of working at Outback.

Well, I must go shower. And soon I'll have to change laundry to the dryer. Hm. What else do I have to do before I go to eat with Grannie and Foo at 3? Smoke a cigarette, charge my awesome iPod, and clean my car perhaps?

Masked Mexican Crimefighters!

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